is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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