So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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