i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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