At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
