Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
