i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
