I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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