i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
