Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize