A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
