We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
