Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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