You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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