Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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