is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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