I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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