jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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