Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize