I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
