The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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