i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She is in my trunk
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
