Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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