Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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