woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
