My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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