Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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