Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
