You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
