We won't sleep together?
I'm really into asian looking animals
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
