come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
