The maid of honor just puked.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
