You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
