??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize