he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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