that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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