She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
