At least make sure they are 18
Why
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize