I'm passing your future prison.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
