I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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