careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
