You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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