i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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