I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
