dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
