You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
