i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Randomize
