she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
