Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We had sex on a dog bed..
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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