i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
