you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
