I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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