I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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