I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
