my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
