he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
