so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
