How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
