they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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