My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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