My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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