Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
