I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
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