Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
