big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
