**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I need to sanitize my soul.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Pants are for mortals
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
