Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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