how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
