So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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