Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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