omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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