We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
