You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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