tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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