how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So much rum. So many feels.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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