Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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