Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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