I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
