He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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