Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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