Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
