Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
why is half of my head shaved?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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