Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
