i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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