Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
