There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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