He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize