Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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