for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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