before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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