K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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