What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
