Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She bit a glass in half.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
