I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
