She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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