winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
