Dual....:-)
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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