if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
