Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
