I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Its about making memories worth repressing
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
