Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
