she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
